I Want To Quit Breastfeeding

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It has been more than a year since I wrote here the reasons why I breastfeed. As a new mommy, I take pride in the fact that I was able to exclusively breastfeed my child for the first six months of her life. This is quite a feat. Breastfeeding is not for the faint-hearted.

Fast forward to now, 20 months since I had Blake. 20 months and still breastfeeding. I just want to stop. I had selfish reasons for breastfeeding and I also now have selfish reasons to quit. 

Wordless Wednesday - Swim!

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Celery 2.1

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Remember when I said I wanted an indoor garden and I started with a celery? Yeah, it didn't work out, right? 

Celery 1

The High Chair

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When the Little One is old enough to sit (unsupported), we bought her Antilop High Chair (with tray) from Ikea. 

She likes her chair. She knows that when it is time to eat, she has to sit on her chair. The chair is her place.

Wordless Wednesday - Reading

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Conversations with Blake - 1

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I wish I was there whenever Blake starts talking. It's just so fun watching her. Of course she still does not have a lot of words and most of the time she does not make sense. That's normal for her age, yes?
And because I'm at work most of the time, the nanny has all the "nice" conversations with Blake. Like below:
Ate V:   Blake, where's daddy? Blake:   Wok (work) AV:       Where's mommy? B:          Wok AV:       Where's Auntie Ice? B:          Wok .....
Blake shakes her head. "Ah ah!!" (tsk tsk!!)
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Blake holding a cellphone while walking:
Blake : Hello? Hello? (she bumps her head) ... Hello? Ouch...
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The One Where I Freaked Out

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Since the doctor told me that I should not do any heavy lifting, I no longer dance the Little One to sleep. The new bedtime routine is clean up, dress up, close the light and lie on the bed/nurse till the cute one falls asleep. 
I'm ok with this new routine 'coz I really can't carry her for a long time anymore. She's too heavy now. So to those peeps who kept saying that I'm spoiling my baby by always hugging and carrying her...that because I let her sleep on my chest will ruin her -- remember my answer? It has always been the same answer : This won't be forever. One day I won't be able to carry her and she will eventually want to be on her own. THIS is that time. She's too big and heavy to carry now. Guess what? She's not ruined and definitely not spoiled. She's still a normal toddler acting like a toddler. 
Ooops, got carried away on that one. That's not why I am writing this post. 
Last night, we were doing our usual bedtime routine. Blakey was already falling asleep. Her eyes closed and the sucking has died down. (TMI, I know!) When suddenly, her head jerked up and she sat down on the bed next to me. I was facing her and she was facing me, only she was looking at something behind me.  Then she started saying "mama. mama..mama.." over and over. Then she looked at the other side of the room, still saying "mama.. mama..." 
Mama` - tagalog term meaning "man", usually a stranger.
I had to muster all my courage and reach out to her, pull her close next to me and say without my voice shaking ... "there's no mama`, baby. Only mommy is here."
Oh my freakin gaaard!! Please don't tell me she's seeing things! I'm such a sissy when it comes to things unknown!!